And now it's time for silly songs with Larry
The part of the show
Where Larry comes out and sings a silly song
Joining Larry are Pa G**** and Mister Lunt
Who together, make up the infamous gang of scallywags
'The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything'

We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lay around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything

Well, I've never been to Greenland
And I've never been to Denver
And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul
And I've never been to Moscow
And I've never been to Tampa
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

We're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lay around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything

And I've never hoist the mainstay
And I've never swabbed the poop deck
And I've never veer to starboard
'Cause I never sail at all

And I've never walked the gangplank
And I've never owned a parrot
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

'Cause were the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lay around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything

Well, I've never plucked a rooster
And I'm not too good at ping pong
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes
Up against the wall

And I've never kissed a chipmunk
And I've never gotten head lice
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

Huh? What are you talking about?
What does a rooster or mashed potatoes
Have to do with being a pirate?

Hey, that's right
We're supposed to sing about piraty things

And who's ever kissed a chipmunk?
That's just nonsense, why even bring it up?
Am I right? What do you think?

I think you look like Cap'n Crunch
Huh? No I don't
Do too
Do not

You're making me hungry
That's it, you're walking the plank
Says who?
Says the Cap'n

Oh yeah?
Aye, aye, Cap'n Crunch, he he he
Arrrgh
Yikes

And I've never licked a spark plug
And I've never sniffed a stinkbug
And I've never painted daises
On a big red rubber ball

And I've never bathed in yogurt
And I don't look good in leggings
You just don't get it
And we've never been to Boston in the fall