I was sitting naked in a Holiday Inn down in Orlando
And it was the morning of the last day of the year
I didn't know who I was and I thought I might’ve been Evan Dando
But if I was him then what the hell was I doing here

So I asked myself one simple question
What would I do with the rest of my life?
If I knew I couldn’t fail, I guess I'd get the hell out of Orlando
And find me a rich and beautiful wife

'Cause I don’t want to do a damn thing
And I want to be appreciated
And I want to get paid well
And I don’t want to be hated

I don’t want to do a damn thing
Except lie in the sun
And be loved, loved, loved
Loved, loved by everyone

So I called up the front desk to see if I could rent a ****o
They said you better have a credit card
I said, “Honey, I’m pretty hard up but I ain’t got no Visa”
I said, “Honey could you please, uh, help me?”
She said she was sorry but I think she was just disgusted

And I was kinda disgusted myself 'cause it had all come down to this
And I felt like a pervert but goddamn it gets lonely
When you’re sitting in your hotel room naked as a jaybird
Down in Orlando in the middle of the night

So I called up an old friend to see how he was doing
But he sounded like a robot and it was like I barely knew him
So I said I had to go, then I couldn’t take it any longer
You know the desire to throw my naked body
Out the fifth floor of the Holiday Inn kept getting stronger

I tried to take a cold shower but I couldn’t get my nerve up
I just sat in that hotel room and tried to cut my own hair
That was the worst idea that I had all day
But goddamn, it gets lonely down in F L O R I D A

Then I thought to myself just what the hell was a jaybird
And just what the hell does it look like and what the hell am I doing
So I tried to write a song about it but this is all I got
You know I sang it for your girlfriend and she said she liked it a lot

Except the part about killing myself
And the part about trying to find a rich wife
She said, “You should have gone to sea world
You might have had a better time”

I said, “Honey, thanks for the input, thanks for the advice
But I think that the only way I’m ever going back to Orlando
Is if I live life twice”

'Cause I don’t want to do a damn thing
And I want to be appreciated
And I want to get paid well
And I don’t want to be hated

I don’t want to do a damn thing
Except lie in the sun
And be loved, loved, loved
Loved, loved by everyone