Ye beware thy animals
Thou art foul machines
King Kong Bible
(Toilet reader)

Some people say there's something
Wrong with me and the animal kingdom
I tell them because they don't know
We're being observed

When you're at my apartment, don't pet them
Don't let them know we're on to them
And I tell my wife, 'Madalin, don't let them in'
It's not easy trying to convince
People of the conspiracy

At least the NRA believes me
I say there's still a chance to pile them up
A building sized mound of burning fur
I decided to make a trip
To Binder Park Zoo yesterday

I threw letters into the cages saying
'I know who you are
Tell God to please leave me alone'
I can't watch, I can't think, what's going wrong?
The ****roaches in my cupboard

Are always smiling at me
When I reach for the corned beef
I can't read, I can't sleep
What's going wrong? Even with my pets
Dogs and cats among them

'Cause everybody knows pets
Are just camcorders for God, staying close
Watching and filming my actions
Drunk in the bathroom

Smiling in my car
On the sidewalk asking for a cigarette
Or even when I'm good
Betrayed by my cat, I swear,
It's always my cat, always my cat