Well, if your name's Mucky, you can count yourself lucky
That you're still walking 'round on four feet
'Cause I tell you right now though I don't how
There's still perverse people out there on the street

And it's rare that a pig makes it back from a gig
Without coming at your physical harm
They mostly say, 'Oh, I didn't know'
And they wind up on that bacon farm

I don't mind dressing in black
If I thought it would get your temperature back

And if your name's Queek, you're quite unique
And it's taken you over the top
Mr. Rodgers and I don't know the messiah
Ever since you walked into the shop

And if your name's Kent, it's known that you're bent
It's an actual undeniable fact
'Cause a law 'round here they've got cloth ears
So you never get caught in the act

But I don't mind dressing in blue
If I thought it would make any difference to you

There's nobody, there's nobody
There's nobody like you

There's nobody, there's nobody
There's nobody like you

If your name's Him, then suddenly a whim
But you seem to be nowhere at all
If your name's Her, then you're covered in fur
And you're waiting for Him in the hall

The stuff that you sell and the way that you smell
Is to say the least way out of place
If I had a choice between the fist and the voice
You know I'd push you right out of your face

But I don't mind dressing in green
If I thought that you'd understand what I mean

There's nobody, there's nobody
There's nobody like you