Tony, Tony, Tony
Only had a couple

But he's had a fair few shots
And he starts to swear a lot
But she hasn't bared a drop
And thus everyone stares too much

Cor b*****, see that bird, take a good look at her skirt
Oh me word, I can see heaven take me far from Earth
I'll have some of that, love, how much are you worth?
No, I'm not being tricky love, this gl*** is me first

Now how about a score? Okay then 25
Why did you slap me for? I was trying ta be kind
Go get your boyfriend then, I ain't gonna run
So what if he's a boxer, I'm already numb

Now out of the way, it's me turn same again, son
What did you say, ****? I'll tell you when I'm done
I'm drunk, you're flippin' drunk, in fact you're raw some
Come on then, let's have it then, now where the hell's me gun?

Oh you all think it's a joke, well let's just see
When I count to three, you will all respect me
Dead bag I Tony, everyone knows me
What's wrong now sweetheart, are we getting cold feet?

But he's had a fair few shots
And he starts to swear a lot
But she hasn't bared a drop
And thus everyone stares too much

Excuse me, can I have a word outside if you please?
What if I refuse, what are you gonna do, geez?
Oi, lets cut to the chase, did you disrespect me Stace?
Oh you mean that ****, she's a bloody disgrace

I offered her 25, and she slapped me in me face
I mean, would you believe it, Ted? Right in me face
She's lucky she didn't get put right in her place
That's it, I've had enough, outside, come on, let's go now

Listen, bruv, that's enough
I'll put it blunt, you're looking like a ****
Breathe in, breathe out
Or you'll end up in the back of the meat van
Like you always do when you have a gl*** of gin and juice

Causing trouble in the venue
What you trying to make the 10 o'clock news?
No, no, don't talk, your ignorance will be a downfall
What you gotta shout loud for?
Embarr***ing yourself when you're outdoors

Talking like you got big balls
Gritting your teeth like a Pit Bull
Looking like you're gonna be sick
Dude, check yourself, mate, you're a Mitchell

But he's had a fair few shots
And he starts to swear a lot
But she hasn't bared a drop
And thus everyone stares too much

Please excuse my brother
He's got too much booze in his bladder
Giving you all the chitter chatter
Getting all rude in a geezer manner

Please accept my apologies on his behalf
And I don't think that he really meant to squeeze your arse
But he was being an idiot that I can't deny, I must admit
That he was out of line, and he pushed it just a little bit

But what about you though, showing off flesh like a sumo
Your skirts up too high, and your top's cut too low
And there's your boyfriend, acting like a boss, kinda like Hugo
Put yourself in my brother's shoes mate, what if it was you, bro?

Let's just all get along
Do a little dance to some songs
Forget about this nonsense
We can all move on

Tony, Tony, Tony
Only had a couple