Listen, I’m so unbored
The magic word is relax
I’ll rub Ho-Toi, his God of happiness
The one that came with or without boys

Make 'em wish for the day
No more revenge cobbler whiskey pie
Make ‘em wish for the day
No more revenge cobbler whiskey pie
My cheeks with the color
Of dead jellyfish lying on the beach

Let me tell you how
Many 18th Century grandfather clocks you can
Squeeze into your neighbors’ niches
If only I knew I offered become a collector of small objects

Make ‘em wish for the day
No more revenge cobbler whiskey pie
Make ‘em wish for the day
No more revenge cobbler whiskey pie
My cheeks with the color
Of dead jellyfish lying on the beach

Was I a senior junior appraisal appraiser
At Mistie’s Auction Hut in Centereach?
Or was I a low level high level appraiser of appraisal
At Snuggaby’s crazy quilts
And collectibles collection in Hempsted Hollow?
I can hardly remember

Last year Uncle Charlie sang a different tune
The two words I hate most are ‘Good enough’
Flipped through the sliding slack racks
Look at what it says on my red-patched pocket
'If you’re going to be something
Why not be something special?'

Pull out the loathsome weeds
“Don’t worry, big girl”
He sat me down on his handmade
Mexican mountain chair and showed me
His calendar for the next six months

Make ‘em wish for the day
No more avenged cobbler whiskey pie
Make ‘em wish for the day
No more avenged cobbler whiskey pie
My cheeks with the color of
Dead jellyfish lying on the beach

To locate my ex-boyfriend
Check the Yellow Pages under 'Plywood'
To locate my ex-boyfriend
Check the Yellow Pages under 'Plywood'
We live together under
A Sears Bellissimo bedspread