Woman I love ya, you know that I do
How else can I say, 'Happy Christmas to you'
My presents I know in the past have been lame
But I'm not a good shopper, I say it with shame

This year please don't make me go shopping at the mall
How 'bout we don't buy each other presents at all
Hey, why don't we both just get drunk
And make out this Christmas?

Yeah, I've tried really hard to nail your unique style
But I see all the sorrow through your polite smile
Those sweaters and panties I've bought you before
Still have tags connected deep down in your drawer

This year please don't make me go shopping at the mall
How 'bout we don't buy each other presents at all
Yeah, why don't we both just get drunk
And make out this Christmas?

I want to kiss you and hold you and touch you
And tickle your fancy 'til morning
Now ain't that better than some stupid gift card
Or pants suit or earrings or perfume
Or UGG boot or Swatch watch

I'll be romantic, light candles get tantric
Fill bathtubs with flowers, talk feelings for hours
Then when it's time for some sexy flirtation
We'll both get what we want win-win situation
Happy Christmas to you

This year please don't make me go shopping at the mall
How 'bout we don't buy each other presents at all
Yeah, why don't we both just get drunk
And make out this Christmas?

Yeah, why don't we both just get drunk
And make out this Christmas?
All together now, why don't we both just get drunk
And make out this Christmas?