Ho, ho, ho
So many Christmas letters
So many wishes
Lucy wants a squeezy doll
Jimmy wants a moon rocket
Oh, this list's rather long

Yaa, yah

Hey, now Santa I'm writin' to you
'Cause there's a lotta cool **** I want
I know I've been naughty
But cut me some slack
'Cause there's a lotta cool **** I want

So here's my list-a
So check it a twice-a

I want
A solid gold Harley with machine guns on the front
I want
A Motley Crue lunch box filled with sticky buns

I wanna see through jump suit that fits me tight
I want all of The Beatles copyrights
I wanna chop Florida off the map
I want Pamela Anderson's Speedo top

Here ya go, Santa
That's my Christmas list
That's all the cool **** I want
But wait a minute, Santa
Here's some things I missed
There's still a lot of cool **** I want

So here's my list-a
So check it a twice-a

I want
A time machine and a BB gun
I want
A statue of Moby on the surface of the sun

I want
To party naked on a school bus full of nuns
I want
A bumper pool table and a robot pelican

There ya go, Santa
I'm sure you'll agree that
There's some really cool **** I want
I know I've been naughty
But I guarantee
That I deserve every single one

So take my list-a
And check it a twice-a
I know I've been naughty
But life ain't nice-a
Please I still-a
Need some more ****-a

I want
I diamond hyena, shootin' fire from his butt
I want
A cannibal chef to cook me sweet and sour butt

I want
A magical sleigh that's pulled by flying skunks
I want
All the cool **** I want!