I’m the official historian on Shirley Jean Berrell
I’ve know her since God only knows and I won’t tell
I caught her the first time she stumbled and fell
And surely she knows me just as well

I can tell you her birthday and her daddy’s middle name
The uncles on her mama’s side and the once they don’t claim
What she’s got for Christmas since 1952
And that’s only the beginning of the things I could tell you

'Cause I’m the official historian on Shirley Jean Berrell
I’ve known her since God only knows and I won’t tell
I caught her the first time she stumbled and fell
And surely she knows me just as well

I can tell you her favorite song and where she likes to park
And why to this very day she’s scared of the dark
How she got her nickname and that scar behind her knee
If there’s anything you need to know about Shirley just ask me

I know where she’s ticklish and her every little quirk
The funnies she don’t read and her number at work
I know what she stands for and what she won’t allow
The only thing that I don’t know is where she is right now

But I’m the official historian on Shirley Jean Berrell
I’ve know her since God only knows and I won’t tell
I caught her the first time she stumbled and fell
And surely she knows me just as well