It's the time of year, now that spring is in the air
When those two wet gits with their girly curly hair
Make another song for moronic holidays
That nauseate-ate-ates in a million different ways

From the shores of Spain
To the coast of southern France
No matter where you hide
You just can't escape this dance

Hold a chicken in the air
Stick a deckchair up your nose
Buy a jumbo jet
And then bury all your clothes

Paint your left knee green
Then extract your wisdom teeth
Form a string quartet
And pretend your name is Keith

Skin yourself alive, learn to speak Arapaho
Climb inside a dog and behead an Eskimo
Eat a Renault Four with salami in your ears
Casserole your gran, disembowel yourself with spears

The disco is vibrating
The sound is loud and grating
It's truly nauseating
Let's do the dance again

Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose
Yes, you'll hear this song in the holiday discos
And there's no escape in the clubs or in the bars
You would hear this song if you holidayed in Mars

Skin yourself alive, learn to speak Arapaho
Climb inside a dog and behead an Eskimo
Now you've heard it once, your brain will spring a leak
And though you hate this song, you'll be humming it for weeks

Hold a chicken in the air, stick a deckchair up your nose
Buy a jumbo jet and then bury all your clothes
La la la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la la la