As the crowd roars
To the center ring steps our fractured baritone
Are you in voice, Winstead?
I believe I am in voice, professor

Ohh once I was wappy uh, once I was sappy, uh
Sap, I was wussy no, no
Once I was happy, but now I borlorn, uh
Lorn I fow mow, uh, sigh on lie now, uh
Nylons are free, no, no, now I'm forlorn

Like an old goat, oh no, not a goat, that's an animal
Like an old coat that is tornered and tat, uh, teetered and torned
Uh, tattered and tipped, uh, tap with a toupee, uh, ripped

Left in this wide world to sleep and to snore
Uh, to weep and to mourn
Betreaned by a jade in her means
No, bemeaned by a trade for some jeans
No, bejeaned by a teen with some jade
No, betrayed by a maid in her teens

He floats by his hair, ooh, not by his hair that would hurt
Speaking of hair, a man came up to me today and said
'Doodles, your hair is getting thin'
And I said, 'Well, who wants fat hair?'
That's a killer

He floats through the air with the aidest of grease
With the latest of fleas, uh, with plates full of cheese
No, no, with the birds and the bees, uh, he can't miss

The manning young dare, uh, the daring young mare
He's not a horse, that's silly, he'd break his neck
The fanny young Dan, the danny young fan
He's an awful old ham, uh, he's a young fellow 'bout my age

You know, a funny thing happened
A man came up to me and said
'Doodles, Doodles, did you leave home?'
I said, 'I left home'
He said, 'Did you put the cat out?'
I said, 'I didn't know he was on fire!'
That's a killer

The daring young man on the flapping tripeze
Uh, treezing triflaps, uh, trying flip flips, uh, flipping triflop
Uh, flapping trivalve, horizontal bars

His grations are axle, no, his actions are horrible, no
He's very good, all girls he doth please
But, my wuv he hath lollen astay
No, the dove's in the hayloft away
No, I'm on the road to Mandalay, no, hey hey hey
No, now, did you hear about the owl that married a goat?
They had a hootenanny, that's a killer
He's the man on the flying trapeze