It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My Friends won't let me join in any games
And I can't sing Christmas songs
Or decorate a Christmas tree

Or leave water out for Rudolph
'Cos there's something wrong with me
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity
I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew on Christmas

Hanukkah is nice but why is it
That Santa p***es over my house every year?
And instead of eating ham
I have to eat kosher latkes

Instead of 'Silent Night'
I'm singing 'Hu Hagtol Gavish'
And what the ***k is up
With lighting all these ***king candles, tell me please?

I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew, I can't be merry
'Cos I'm Hebrew on Christmas

Hey, little boy, I can't help but hear
You're feeling left out of Christmas cheer
But I've come to see that you shouldn't be sad
'Cos this is the one month that you shoud be glad

Because it's nice to be a Jew on Christmas
You don't have to deal with the season at all
You don't have to be on your best behaviour or give to charity
You don't have to go to grandma's house with your alcoholic family

And I don't have to sit on some fake Santa's lap
And have him breathe his stinky breath on me
That's right, you're a Jew, a stylin' Jew
It's a good time to be Hebrew on Christmas