Cinderella's on her bedroom floor
She's got a crush on the guy at the liquor store
'Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore
And she forgets why she came here

Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood for shame
She says, 'None for you, dear Prince, I'm tired today
I'd rather sleep my whole life away
Than have you keep me from dreaming'

'Cause I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried 'bout the maiden
Though you know she's only waiting
On the next best thing, next best thing

Snow White is doing dishes again
'Cause what else could you do with seven itty-bitty men?
Sends them to bed and she calls up a friend
Says, 'Would you meet me at midnight?'

The tall blond lets out a cry of despair
Says, 'Would've cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair
I'll have to find another tower somewhere
Keep away from the windows'

'Cause I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried 'bout the maiden
Though you know she's only waiting
On the next best thing, next best thing

Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom
Man made up a story, said that I should believe him
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight
But I don't want the next best thing

So I sing, I hold my head down
And I break these walls 'round me
Can't take no more of your fairytale love

I don't care for your fairytales
You're so worried 'bout the maiden
Though you know she's only waiting
On the next best thing

I don't care, I don't care
You worry 'bout the maiden
Though you know she's only waiting
Spent her whole life being graded
On the sanctity of patience

And a dumb appreciation
But the story needs some mending
And a better happy ending
'Cause I don't want the next best thing
No, no, I don't want the next best thing