This great big wolf hound's standing staring at me
Licking his chops and weighing me up for tea
I'm a guy who don't scare easily
That's the truth, Cor, look at that tooth
And he's just standing, slobbering and panting, looking at me

They never had this great dog here yesterday
Her old man's bought him just to scare me away
I bet he's in there laughing, shouting hooray
And I'm scared to death and puppy dog's breath
Is coming faster, it's gonna be disaster, I daren't run away

Her dad's got a right to object to the way I dress
I guess, but to buy a huge pup to tear me up
Look his jaws and his paws and his maws all wet
It's not sweat, it's saliva and he'll be the sole survivor
That's pure vindictiveness

So, when his great mastiff has torn me limb from limb
What'll his precious daughter think about him?
I'm not very bright but I'm certainly not that dim
You see, then, her father, he will have made me a martyr
(You see)
And when me head's been torn to shreds, she's gonna blame him

Sounds gory, don't it? I've turned green
Still I might as well go in a blaze of glory
If you know what I mean
Just the same, I wish I had the courage to run
Either that or I wish I had a dirty great gun

Well, if I really gotta die then I better get it over and done
Cor, that dog's immense, still here I go over the fence
Go on, dog, go on, treat me as lunch meat
Savage me and crunch me, here's me foot, have fun