Never go nowhere, man
I never go nowhere
Traffic's bad out there, man
I'm savin' wear and tear
I like conditioned air, man
I never go nowhere

I go upstairs, downstairs, backyard, lawn chairs
Living room, bathroom, bedroom, furnace room
Hot tub, cedar deck, build a fire, washer/dryer
Pantry, patio, Bartiromo video
Cold cellar, rec room, ping pong, mahjong
Beer count wearin' thin, speed dial, order in

I ain't goin' nowhere, man
I ain't goin' nowhere
It's dangerous out there, man
Might 'a been a big bomb scare
Hard to get off of this easy chair
I ain't goin' nowhere

I go online, DSL, Amazon, buy and sell
EBay, layaway, last bid noon today
Plasma, Judy Judge, broadband, Matt Drudge
JCrew, B & N, dot com, CNN
Jpeg, e-mail, pop-up she-male
Shower cam, filter spam, slam bam, I think it's ma'am

I ain't goin' nowhere, man
Never gonna go nowhere
It's a bungled jungle out there, man
Some kid got mauled by a bear
Surround sound in my own lair
I ain't goin' nowhere

I got perimeter, motion, doggy door, mail call
Peep hole, Avon, wireless, strobes on
PIN code, keypad, relay, pepper spray
Home base, interface, three-zone, plug 'n play
Infrared, photocell, squad car, decibel
Choppers up, sonic boom, activate the panic room

I'm on Ritalin, Coumadin, Zantac, Lipitor
Diazepam, Nexium, Prevacid, Percocet
Levitra, Levaquin, Elavil, Fosamax
Plavix, Keflex, next day FedEx
Zithromax, Avelox, Flexeril, Topamax
Prozac, Ativan, Adderall, I take 'em all

I ain't goin' nowhere, man
Never gonna go nowhere
I'm cuttin' my own hair, man
Nothin' I need out there
Outside sunny, but inside Cher
I ain't goin' nowhere