Stimpy, what's all that racket about?
I'm tap dancing Ren, pretty good, huh?
It just sounds like noise to me
And you look even more stupid than usual

Oh, pshaw, tap dancing is fun Ren
Why don't you join me?
Oh no, I'm no idiot

Oh, come on, no one will ever see you
No way
Just put on these shoes and move your feet
Back off man, I can do it

Now, don't you feel better?
Hey, this is fun, you're right Stimpy
I'm sorry, I'm all the time so mean to you
Think nothing of it buddy
Pal

It's really great to have a chum
Who's kind and caring and lots of fun
He slaps me around when I feel blue
Only a pal would do that for you

His name is Ren
And when it comes to a friend
No one is better
Your turn pal

Okay, bud
You idiot, if you're going to tap dance
Do it on your own two feet
Whoops

He's really fat but I admit
What's that Ren?
He's not so dumb
[Incomprehensible]
For an idiot

I hate the smell of his stinky litter box
And when he fills with glue, my stay put socks
He's lost his mind but when I'm in a [Incomprehensible]
He's better than no one

Would you comb my hair?
With glee
Would you shave my tongue?
For free

Would you [Incomprehensible]
Whoopee
You're the friend for me

My friend to the end
That's me, that's me
Which I hope is soon
He hopes is soon

Has a head full of air
A head full of air?
Like a red balloon

A balloon head, wow, what a great thing to be
You always say the nicest things to me
You're a fool
But I think you're cool
No one is better

Would you tell me a story?
No way
Would you pick my nose?
For pay

Would you scratch my back?
No
Pluck my brows?
No
Clean my box?
Lick my fur?

Alright Stimpy, that's it
I've had enough of your stupid questions
The answer is no, no, I tell you
A thousand times no
Oh, just asking

We're opposites by nature
He's a dog and I'm a cat, I think
But put us both together
And we're a perfect match
Shut up
Yes sir

I'm glad he's here to tell me what to do
Oh, somebody's got to think for you
You may be a dud but when I need a bud

You're better than no one
No one is better
You're better than no one is better
Than no one, no one is better