Johnny was a pyro and he acted like a baby
Wanted all this attention I couldn't give
Drink a bottle of hard stuff, say I love you now save me
Just a big guy with a funny sense of sin

And the neighbor down the block in his underwear and socks
Keeping track of the losses and wins with his wife
Hanging out the window wondering which way the wind blows
As I fumble the key in the lock again, singing

Oh me, what am I doing with this ring on my hand?
Oh me, if this is the good life who's choosin' it?
Oh me, mama's best woman and daddy's best man
Oh me, I'm highly in danger of losin' it

Johnny was a pyro and he acted like a baby
Got a phone call from the wild almost every night
Well, he loved me but he really loved looking past me to the ladies
He was much too good looking for his height

We were a couple of kids crawling out of the crib
Talking about the positives and the negatives of wine
Living our lives just like Hemingway did
But he was lucky, he was a genius most the time

Oh me, what am I doing with this ring on my hand?
Oh me, if this is the good life who's choosin' it?
Oh me, mama's best woman and daddy's best man
Oh me, I'm highly in danger of losin' it

He was sideswiped by the clue bus when it came to talking two of us
And the whole thing ended ugly, I guess
You can put your cards out on the table but if nobody wants to play
Well, you haven't got a game, you got a mess

And I was looking at the judge leaning on my lawyer like a crutch
And the judge said what happened and why?
I said, 'Johnny was a pyro and he acted like a baby'
Now there's nothing like the sound of good bye

Oh me, what am I doing with this ring on my hand?
Oh me, if this is the good life who's choosin' it?
Oh me, mama's best woman and daddy's best man
Oh me, I'm highly in danger of losin' it

Johnny was a pyro and he acted like a baby
Wanted all of this attention I couldn't give