Once again I'm a little depressed by the tired old face that I see
Once again it is time to be someone, who's anyone other than me
With the rare combination of girlish excitement and manly restraint
I position my precious ***ortment of pencils and powders and paint
So whenever I feel that my place in the world is beginning to crash
I apply one great stroke of Mascara to my rather limp upper lash
And I can cope again, Good God! There's hope again
When life is a real ***** again, and my old sense of humor has up, and gone
It's time for the big switch again, I put a little more Mascara on
When I count my crow's feet again, and tired of this perpetual marathon
I put down the john-seat again, and put a little more Mascara on

And ev'rything's sparkle dust, bugle beads, ostrich plums
When it's a beaded lash that you look through
'Cause when I feel glamorous, elegant, beautiful
The world that I'm looking at's beautiful too
When my little road has a few bumps again
And I need something level to lean upon
I put on my sling pumps again
And wham! This ugly duckling is a swan
So when my spirit starts to sag
I hustle out my highest drag
And put a little more mascara on

And ev'rything's ankle straps, Maribou, Shalimar
It's worth socking in my gut, and girdling my rear
'Cause ev'rything's ravishing, sensual, fabulous
When Albin is tucked away, and, ZaZa is here
When ev'rything slides down the old tubes again
And when my self esteem has begun to drift
I strap on my fake ****s again
And literally give myself a lift
So when it's cold and when it's bleak
I simply rouge the other cheek
For I can face another day
In slipper satin lingerie
To make depression disappear
I screw some rhine stones on my ear
And put my brooches and tiara
And a little more mascara on

Sparkle dust, bugle beads
Ankle straps, Maribou On! Ankle straps, Maribou
Ostrich plumes, Shalimar
Ravishing, fabulous, on! Ravishing, fabulous, on