A fine romance with no kisses
A fine romance my friend this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're cold as yesterday's mashed potato's

A fine romance you won't nestle
A fine romance you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge with my old maid aunts
I haven't got a chance this is a fine romance

A fine romance with no kisses
A fine romance my fried this is
You're calmer than the seals in the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins to express emotion

A fine romance, with no clinches
A fine romance with no pinches
You're just as hard to land as the I'll be France
I haven't got a chance this is a fine romance

I don't need a moon to look, a tune from violin
Here with you, I need a book and tons of aspirin
Socially you must remember me
I seem to be the stranger on whose knee you sat

This great love the love I'm speaking of
I've got it up to hear my dear and that is that
A fine romance, my dear dutches
Two old fogies, who need crutches

True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has
We don't have half the thrills the march of time has
A fine romance my good woman
My strong aged in the woods woman

You never give the orchids I send a glance
No you like cactus plants this is a fine romance
You've never mussed the crease in my blue serge pants
I just don't stand a chance this is a fine romance