Ladies and fellas, I was hella bored
So I pedaled hella hard
To a seminar in Zanzibar
Ben & Jerry, tennis star and Pat Benatar
Ridin' on my handlebars
That I had gaffled from a scrap metal yard

When it fell apart, I got a rental car
With mental Art Lemmon's credit card
Double-parked on the boulevard in front of Cinnabon
Won a tug-of-war with a minotaur
Then I toured the far north on a Portuguese Man-o-War

Santa Claus handed me a catalog
The envelope attached on it said
That you can have it all
So I got an antelope from Manitoba
Salad bowl, a catapult, a can of soda
Paddleboat, a camera phone

And also a Barry Manilow autographed cantaloupe
And every episode of 'Solid Gold'
The antidote to Babylon and Amazon
In an acid-washed can of salt
And her friend that tagged along
Who looked at on Appolonia

When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there
When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there

Here's the story folks
Totally stoned, I rode the slopes of Mount Holyoke
At 40 below, lo and behold
My homey poked too many holes in my snowmobile wheels
Now I'm rollin' on some Boboli's with spokes

Had to pony up the dough to get it all green and gold
Mumble ho, stole an Oreo, a Polaroid, some saltines
An overcoat from Walgreens
Some corduroys, some sardines, canola oil
All singin', 'Row, Row, Row Ya Boat'

On and on, with Obi-Wan Kenobi, Shinobi and Kobe Bryant
Pokemon and Pinocchio on the Okefenokee Swamp
Europe, Portugal, Tokyo, Borneo and Coney Island
With the ***** Toad Memorial Orchestra with Barry White

Lyrics Born on rhymes, Maury Povich on viola
Berry Gordy on organ and Joe Torre on chimes
Don Corleone gave accordions to Marlboro Marty
When we recorded Jerome and Marcus singin', 'Oh-wee-oh-wee-oh'

When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there
When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there

When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there
When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there

Whoa, Einstein, do it

Whoa, bring it back, now

I met a hermit named Kermit McDermott with a learner's permit
Curb swervin' in a purple Suburban, slurpin' an urange sherbert
Eatin' a turnip with the words 'Dirty Dirty'
Written in cursive on his Burberry turban

It was curtains at the circus in Berkley
Saw a turtle with a girdle, a squirrel with a curl
And the world's biggest girl, Pearl
Urkel swirled in a circle on a dirty-*** burgundy Murray bike

I had some curry rice, a turkey burger and some curly fries
Tried to return some worthless merchandise to Circuit City
Customer service was certifiably ****ty
Courtesy clerk was nervous, kinda twitchy
Had a dry-and-curl perm, reminded me of Lionel Richie

Someone blurted out, 'Burr'
That's when I turned around, observed
Truck Turner had the burner out and pointed at a surfer
Mr. Furley burst out the beauty parlor in curlers
And a security jersey, thermos full of Wild Turkey

When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there
When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there

When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there
When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing
I do that damn thing, I do that there

Whoa, bring it back, now