Friends, Romans, countrymen
Lend your ears to my jive
I'm a gonna tell you
How to catch an African skeeter alive

You go down to the wilds of Afriki
Where a jack rabbit packs his lunch
And you'll find him up in a coconut tree
Goin' munch, munch, munch, munch

Your skeeter catching stuff
In clues a cigar ten years old
A great big sack full of hand grenades
And a hundred feet of rope

Your gonna need a twelve pound hammer
And a helmet made of steel
And a rabbits foot to bring you luck
So you won't come home killed

That's what you do
And I sure ain't talking no jive
That's what you do if you wanna learn
How to catch an African skeeter alive

And now you take your hand grenades
And you creep on your tippy, tippy toes
And you sling 'em up and you run for cover
And you watch them coconuts flow

When the vegetation quits a flyin'
It's time for you to move in
And now you can see the whiskers
On that skeeters chinny, chin, chin

And now you take the striperd match
And light your cigar up
And you huff and puff and blow that smoke
Till you get the hiccy, hiccy, cups

That cigar smoke will make that skeeter's brain
Start spinning round
Finally he gets real drunk and groggy
And he flip flops to the ground

That's what you do
And I sure ain't talking no jive
That's what you do if you wanna learn
How to catch an African skeeter alive

And now you take your twelve pound hammer
And bounce up on his back
And you bash in between his shoulder blades
Till he turns blue and black

Don't worry about that twelve pound hammer
Beating that skeeter to death
This just gets his attention
And makes him hunt for his breath

And now you've got him all set up
To tie up with your rope
You tie a granny knot, a hoose knot, a navy knot
A wing ding, a what knot

Be cautious with that skeeter
That skeeter ain't no fool
Work hard and save your money
And join the skeeter catching school

That's what you do
And I sure ain't talking no jive
That's what you do if you wanna learn
How to catch an African skeeter alive