I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my ***** was missing again
This happens all the time, it's detachable
This comes in handy a lot of the time

I can leave it home when I think it's gonna get me in trouble
Or I can rent it out when I don't need it
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk
And the next morning, I can't, for the life of me
Remember what I did with it

First I looked around my apartment and I couldn't find it
So I called up the place where the party was
They hadn't seen it either
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'Cause for some reason, I leave it there sometimes
But no this time

So I told them if it pops up to let me know
I called a few people who were at the party
But they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate

I really don't like being without my ***** for too long
It makes me feel like less of a man
And I really hate having to sit down
Every time I take a leak

After a few hours of searching the house
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed
So I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast

Then as I walked down Second Avenue, toward St Mark's Place
Where all those people sell used books
And other junk on the street, I saw my *****
Lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven
Some guy was selling it

I had to but it off him, he wanted 22 bucks
But I talked him down to 17
I took it home, washed it off and put it back on
I was happy again, complete

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached
But I don't know, even though sometimes it's a pain in the ***
I like having a detachable *****