Just one local call and you'll see
A happy path through life, not for free
A little bit fat you can't get a girl
Short on cash I'll change your world

The only way now is straight up
Your deepest despair I'll make it stop
Just 19.95 all major credit cards
And you'll stay alive and you'll go far

In just seven short days you'll change your life
All of your innocence found you'll even lose a few pounds
See yourself making a mint quality time with your kids
Send me your money and I'll change your life

I know sometimes your life is a *****
So come purchase my easy fix
I've been there myself sad, fat and bald
Soon with my help, you'll have it all

I'll build you back up for the fight
You'll be so wound up your stomach's tight
You're the laugh of the party, you'll get yourself laid
Surely you'll trust me once I've been paid

In just seven short days you'll change your life
All of your innocence found you'll even lose a few pounds
See yourself making a mint quality time with your kids
Send me your money and I'll change your life, yeah

So many years ago I was so low and lonely and depressed
I hadn't left my flat in weeks and never even bothered getting dressed
And I was smoking weed and I was in a mess
And that's when it happened

So I opened up the blinds to let the light in on my sorry life
I dreamed about success and money, muscles, women, cars
And even wives and they would always tend to my every need
So do you see what you can be, baby when you're with me

In just seven short days you'll change your life
All of your innocence found you'll even lose a few pounds
See yourself making a mint quality time with your kids
Send me your money and I'll change your life