Charity, can I remember how this song and dance began?
Yes, I can and damn right I can
It began, well, anyway you see there was this man
Who stopped and asked me if I knew which way was Lexington Avenue

He said, 'I'm gonna Bloomingdale's'
I said, 'I'm gonna Bloomingdale's'
So we hoofed it over the Bloomingdale's
He wanted to buy some jockey shorts

Then he said, 'Miss, would you like a cup of tea
Or maybe some seven-up?'
I left the tea picked up the tab for the jockey's shorts
And the taxicab

He dropped me off and I burnt
Boy, let that be a lesson to ya
Lower the poem girl, lower the poem
But what can you do when he knocks on your door?

'Cause they locked him out of his furnished room
So he moves in
He moves in with his jockey's shorts and a paper bag
Nothing else

He needs toothpaste and a tooth brush
And pajama tops
He needs razor blades , a razor and a comb
Several

He needs sistering and brothering and fathering and mothering
He needs a hat to hang up in my flat and call it home
In no time at all
I find we're very much in love

And I'm blushing like a sentimental slob
And he's kissing me and hugging me
And all the time he's bugging me to
Go out and try to find myself a better paying job

Comes July, it's ninety-eight degrees
He wants a coat, he wants a fur line coat
[Unverified]
While I really didn't begrudge it

When I figured out my budget for that coat
I had to dance with something like
Eleven hundred jerks
Now comes February, ten degrees

I need a coat, need a coat to warm his puddle
That I bought so he gives me his old sweater
A muffler and a stretcher
That I give to him, ha ha ha

The bronchial pneumonia that I caught
Then I give him pocket money
Poker money, smoking money, skating money
Poling money, movie money, haircut money
Shoeshine money

Money for a bill from Louis' Bar
Money for a bill from Maxi's Bar
Money for a bill from Charlie's Bar
But will he ask for subway money?
Now he wants some subway money

As he turns out
The bum wants to go to Florida
Come on down
Now hear this and get this

Hold this and Amen
This big fat heart
Ain't gonna be joined apart
Ever, ever, ever again