I'm gonna make you sweat
The way a pig sweats on a hot day
'Cos I'm feelin' real ***y, baby, real ***y, ooh yeah
That's right, I'm gonna put me a ***y video on
I'm gonna m***age some oil into my body, baby
'Cos I'm gonna get tight with you, yeah

I wanna take you to Mc Donalds with a candle
Girl, it's my love you can't handle
I see you walkin' on the way home from work
Your Tesco tunic really drives me berserk

I'm for real, it ain't no quirk
My love is lurkin' the way a rapist would lurk
In a bush, or a car park in town
I bought you this necklace, it cost me 12 pounds

From Argos, Elizabeth Duke
Maybe you're the skywalker to my luke
The Darth to the Vader, Flip Over the Crossfader
I'll serenade you with a bag of space raiders

Or Walkers or Smiths or maybe even Quavers
'Cos my love for you is like drugs for ravers
With glowsticks and funny hats on
I loves you more than I loves my bong

Fantasy
You and me baby
You and me baby

Oh, you ***kin' knows I love you right
But the thing is it's like this
You see, I can feel it inside
I can't explain how it feels
My ***ual love is for real

Girl, you knows it's true, like Milli Vanilli
I'll buy you ten ***s on a daytrip to Caerphilly
I'm after your heart, oh, don't you see?
And your three kids doesn't bother me
You know

I'll give you a rose, pull out your chair when we eat
***k I can't, in McDonalds it's a bolted seat
Don't matter 'cos I'm here with you
With a medium value meal and a chocolate sundae too

Later on I'll come and help you sign on
I'll stare into your eyes, the housin' benefits gone wrong
Don't worry, baby it won't take too long
I'm just sittin', I'm just waitin', I'm just writin' this song

You know that, time p***es and I'm lovin' every second
Buyin' chips for you is as lovely as I reckoned
You're Victoria ****e, I'm David Beckham
If you were Dellboy, I'd be the streets of Peckham
Why don't you come to me? Why can't you see?
My love for you is like Matt Bolan to a tree

Dance with me
You and me, baby
You and me, baby
Tonight

I'll take you for a ride, we won't go far
You've been runnin' through my mind like a shinin' star
We've got plenty of time to make sweet love
'Cos tonight's the night we take off the glove

You know what I mean, you're takin' the pill
Don't worry, I'll sort out the bill
Supported by the DHSS
With family allowance, we'll sort out the mess

What's it gonna take to get your attention?
A tracksuit and gold chain and semi ********
Say no more, I can feel the tear
You can smokes my ***s and drinks my beer

I'll never want another like I want you
To prove my love, I gotta tattoo, on my bollocks
I was gonna have your name but I only got initials
'Cos I couldn't stand the pain

My physical love
You and me baby
You and me baby
Tonight
The emotional reality

You're the nicest lookin' woman outside of my ***mags
Especially with your makeup, when your wearin' your Gladrags
I gotta tell you, I gotta let you know
I wanna buy you trips down the Mecca, Bingo

We'll sit together, get four in a row
And win a China dog and with it too a family show
This is romance, how it should be done
When it's you and me together, it can only spell fun

We'll walk together, buy some meat in the market
I'll piss on the car, you'll smile and park it
I've got to tell you about somethin' I think
Without you and my chain I'm the weakest link

So get down, baby, and feel my love
I'll get you drunk in Weatherspoons, into a bush I shove
I'll have a grope and get the last bus
A romantic date, just the two of us
Yeah, one time

You and me baby
You and me baby
Tonight
Electrical Love

You and me baby
You and me baby
Tonight

I'm feeling kind of, kind of ***y, baby
What say you put on that exercise video
And I'll watch you sweat? Oh yeah
That damn video with Felicity Kendal
Damn, you can ****, baby
And your makin' me feel kinda itchy
And damn, I'm gonna go put the mask and gloves on
Oh, yeah, yeah

Take 'em off, baby
Just take them
***k the music
Take them off
Just, oh, freak this ****, man
Turn the ***kin' tape off, man