I was the driver for the drive-by of the neighbor's dog
Dad had always hated him and he said, 'Come on son
Get into the Vega now and I'll go get my shotgun'

It was a military holiday and kids were everywhere
I hid behind the steering wheel and tried to disappear
I tried to speak but couldn't, Dad was whistling and drinking beer

And I prayed, 'Dear God, if You save this dog
I will never get high, I will never jack off
I will do all the things that I should but have not
I'll be a good boy from now on'

We turned around the corner soon and saw the neighbor's yard
Dad lit up a cigarette and rolled his window down
And grinning like an idiot he stuck his head and body out

And I prayed 'Dear God, if You save this dog
I will never get high, I will never jack off
I will be all the things that I should but have not
I'll be a good boy from now on
I'll be a good boy from now on'

Well, he popped in a shell and took aim with the gun
Then a flash and a bang and the dog it was gone
And jumped up and he ran away
Dad had shot right through his chain

Dad said, 'Take me to the Dairy Freeze, I want to have a shake'
We sipped them on the benches there and stared out on the lake
And Dad has never said another word about that day

And I hope You're not disappointed, God
'Cause I still get high and I still jack off
And You knew I was lying but You still saved that dog

You're such a good God
Yeah, You're such a good, good God
Well, You're such a good goddamned backwards dog
And I'll be a good boy from now on