I wouldn't be glad, wouldn't be sad
I wouldn't be good if I knew that I couldn't
I hate to go but I must you know

Duty calls, Niagara Falls
See it go down as it falls on the ground
And gets up again at the count of ten
I would like everyone here to repeat after me

Something of which I know nothing about
Namely that which I will tell you
That which I will tell you

I'm going to school, breaking a rule
I'm going around in a pitiful frown
'Coz I didn't pass, came
Bottom of the class, oh what a shame

Teacher was mad, so was me dad
Took off his belt and without any help
Really hit me hard where I'd stuck a card
Thick I may be but a fool I am certainly not

Always remember the golden rule
When in no doubt get a card out
And while you're there how about
Fetching me one of those pneumatic drills

Boy, I really love the sound that they make
So good for the pains and aches
Of life in general, don't be such a miser
At the most a fiver's all you pay

Many's the time, I have wondered about what it is
Why wouldn't you want to repeat after me?
Something I know you know I know
Something I know you know I know

I wouldn't behold, wouldn't be cold
I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my
Dear old mum and dad, the fun they had
Early one night, dad put out the light

Got hold of me mum, said he wanted a son
And as you can see, the result was me
Somebody told me once
Money does not grow on trees

Well if that's true then
How do you explain
Apples, oranges and lemons?
Not forgetting melons

No, no, no
No, no, no
No, no, no
...