She had a hard-on, she had a muscle out of place
It looked peculiar, occupying and unlikely space
She saw a doctor and he cut her wide
When he saw inside, he nearly died

She had a sister, she had a sibling in her groin
A small relation with whom she didn't know she'd joined
This was a problem 'cause she'd always been
The queen of hearts, a spoiled only child

She called her Shirley, she dressed her in the finest clothes
But she was racked with pain 'cause Shirley had a cuter nose
She saw a doctor and he cut the lump and he smooth the hump
To make her look much better from the side, oh

But things are never quite that simple
They change and stay the same and fade away

Her husband left her, he didn't like her nose at all
So she blamed Shirley, smashed her tiny head against the wall
The judge and jury well, they watched her as she cried
Threw her inside and tossed away the key, oh

Well, things are never quite that simple
They change and stay the same and fade away

15 years later, they let her out for being good
She made a fortune, carving little figures made of wood
They were all Shirley but they were still and cold
She made and sold them till the day she died