Holland's papa wouldn't stay in the ground
Dead and buried and he walked into town
Lord God, what is ma to do?

Mama's so mad 'cause he muddied up his suit
Caught in a thorn bush, blowing on a flute
Lord God, what is ma to do?

1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, thousand
Everybody calm down, please stop shouting
Go on, run, call 911
Calm down, calm down, calm down

1, 2, 4, fire, fire at the pageant
Everybody calm down, please stop shouting
Go on, run, call 911
Calm down, calm down, calm down

And if he did drive into town
Everyone would stand around and stare
The Holland's girl would catch a glimpse
In the mirror as she crimps her hair

Holland's papa wouldn't stay in the ground
Dead and buried and he walked into town
Lord God, what is ma to do?

Mama's so mad 'cause she can't scare him off
Even if she's wrapped in a tablecloth
Oh Lord, what is ma to do?

1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, thousand
Everybody calm down, please stop shouting
Go on, run, call 911
Calm down, calm down, calm down

1, 2, 4, fire, fire at the pageant
Everybody calm down, please stop shouting
Go on, run, call 911
Calm down, calm down, calm down

1, 2, 4, fire, fire at the pageant
Everybody calm down, please stop shouting
Go on, run, call 911
Calm down, calm down, calm down

1, 2, 4, fire, fire at the pageant
Everybody calm down, please stop shouting
Go on, run, call 911

Ha, ha, ha, ha
You're supposed to be dead, Mr. Holland
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
You're supposed to be dead, go back to sleep