Despite all my friends telling me not to
I've finally managed to track down and find you
It was hard growing up without a dad
But now I know it's you, I'm sorta glad

You left us in such a mess
No need for a paternity test
More than just an educated guess
You broke more than just a young girl's heart

My mother always told me
You, not me, were the mistake
She never regretted the chance she had to take

The 1980s were a wild and crazy time
And having fun is not a crime
(Hoo-hoo)

But considering the way you behaved
(Hoo-hoo)
You've probably got more children
Than Screamin' Jay
(Hawkins)

You left us in such a mess
No need for a paternity test
More than just an educated guess
You broke more than just a young girl's heart

My mother always told me
You, not me, were the mistake
She never regretted the chance she had to take

My mother always told me
Everything you put her through
I told her we're better off without you

She can't have been the only girl
Illegitimate children all over the world
One day you're gonna get caught
And that's an awful lot of child support

You left us in such a mess
No need for a paternity test
More than just an educated guess
You broke more than just a young girl's heart

My mother always told me
I was a surprise, not a mistake
She never regrets the chance she had to take

My mother always told me
Everything you put her through
I told her we're better off without you