I believe that gas is too damn high
An' there ain't nothin' more American than Mama's apple pie
I believe in love, I believe in peace
But I don't believe we'll ever see it in that Middle East
I believe the Bible is cold, hard fact
An' I believe that Jesus is comin' back before she does

I believe the Sabbath is a day of rest
The tax man an' the Devil share the same address
I believe don't start, you gonna quit
I believe in keep your mouth shut an' carry a big stick
I believe, dogs are better than cats
An' I believe that Jesus is comin' back before she does

But there's absolutely, positively
No doubt in my mind
Oh, that OJ did it, Lee Harvey didn't
An' she's really gone this time

I believe cold, cold beer
Tastes better on a bar stool than it does anywhere
I believe hard work really makes the man
But everyone should win a line every now an' then
I believe it's best to pay in cash
An' I believe that Jesus is comin' back before she does

But there's absolutely, positively
No doubt in my mind
Oh, that OJ did it, Lee Harvey didn't
An' she's really gone this time

Yeah, I believe she was a real good thing
Can you believe I let a girl like her get away?
I believe she meant it, the night she packed
An' said, “Jesus is comin' back”, before she does

Before she does
Before she does