All rise, order in the court
The honorable judge mutha***kin' Too Short
Presidin' over Superior Players Court
First case is the State vs. Fate Wilson A.K.A. Baby Flex
You bein' charged wit home invasion and hoe slaughter
For ***kin' another *****'s *****

Listen close to what I say, dog, it might hurt ya
I be cuttin' ya girl while you be goin' to work bruh
When she first called my conscience was like, 'Hell naw, Fate don't'
But she said, 'I'm only around the corner', and popped her li'l punt

Apartment 5701, told her I was eatin' right now
Be over there when I get done, got there, knocked on the door
She opened up the door half naked, lookin' exquisite
Ackin' mad 'cuz I ain't spoke to her since the last time a ***** hit it

She said, 'Don't worry forget it since 'cause we only have 30 minutes'
'Fore her man came home for lunch, so I bust my nut and raised up with
Five minutes to spare, her man unaware, I saw him in traffic
Beeped the horn and threw a deuce in the air, yeah, I'm a playa

But I feel guilty 'bout cuttin' a broad
I need counsellin' dog, 'cuz it's guilty as charged
Simply because I felt victim to lust and
Knowin' all the while it was my cousin' girlfriend I had been ***kin'
(Damn)

The court finds you guilty as charged
Your sentence is PUI school
For pimpin' under the influence, *****
Next case

Oh, we got us a repeat offender in the house
Jenny Jones A.K.A. Shawnna
Same ol' charge, wanted in 8 states
What's yo story this time?

Oh yes, yo' honor I see we talkin' again
I have no representation now shall we begin?
I know you seen my face before but hold on my friend
It's *****s gettin' away with doin' the same **** I did

I can't do no bid, I got a mortgage and my kids in a forest by the bridge
And I drives a Rolls Royce in a porridge with dem grills
So you understand I was tryna pay me some bills
When I was flippin' outta state while I was takin' a chill

Shootin' deem and a couple friends, spend a couple ends
Took the top off of the drop and let the bubble spin
*****s got off in my knot and let them troubles in
So I decided to put that **** in my own hands

None of these hoes can ***k me, only God judge me
That man told me he love me and he flash money
My only crime could just be livin' it filthy
So let me hear it on mo' time, not guilty

Bailiff, take her into custody
Oh, no, not my baby
Hell naw
Next case

State vs. Velvet Jones A.K.A. Ludacris
You bein' charged with impedin' ho traffic
Spendin' too much time tryna ***k one hoe
How do you plead Mr. Jones?

Man, I'm the pimp of all pimps and y'all comin' up short
Calm down before I hold yo *** contempt of court
Ya honor, just be cool, let me approach that bench
And sprinkle seasonin' on yo ears on how I choked that beeutch

Well, did she promise you the *****, mayn?
She certainly did I got empty McDonald's cups in my car and my crib
She owe me sumthin', ***** betta show me sumthin'
Wrap her legs around my waist and start to throw me sumthin'

I'm simply the meanest, you lookin' at the stroke of a genius
The only verdict made should be the subpoena uh this *****
No o**ections or appeals, let's cut us a deal
And I promise to tell the truth if my partner don't squeal

She's awfully cautious, said the jury makes her nauseous
And she said she'd suck my **** if I dropped the charges
Oh, no, time to make ya kidneys shift but didn't you ***k her best friend?
Oh, I plead the fifth

Yeah, that sound like some **** you'll say
Ol' pimp *** *****
Due to lack of evidence, I'm droppin' the charges
Don't let me see you in here again

Let this be a lesson learned, if you don't know your player rules
You liable to violate the game and get sent away for a long, long time
Remember never hate on a real player
It ain't gon' get you nowhere, mayn

It's a lotta hoes out there player so
Ain't no reason for you to ***k ya best friend
Or ya cousin or ya brother's girl
Get ya own *****, mayn, you know what I'm sayin'?

You runnin' around here
Violatin' major player rules
You 'bout to get the mutha***kin' book thrown at yo ***** ***
***kin' 'round in this court

You know what I'm sayin'?
It's all about the money, baby
If it ain't about the money, it ain't about ****
To all you *****s runnin' 'round here

Corny than a mother***ker
Just tryna ***k a ***** 'cuz you wanna get a nut off
Think about that money first, mayn
What is that ***** doin' for you?

What are you gettin' outta the situation?
Tryna give a ***** sumthin'
What you gon' give her sumthin' for, some *****?
It's trickin', mayn, don't be a beeutch
Be a real pimp, *****

Make that hoe pay you for every thang you do
Every thang you do you gotta get money, mayn all day, all night
I wouldn't ***k a ***** for free
Just like I wouldn't rap for free, mother***ker
Yeah, you know my favorite word, beeutch