I did cocaine with David Blaine
He made my blow disappear, man
We pulled the train on Ms. Love Hewitt
She knows what I did last summer, stupid

Oh please, Tara Reid
Took her to eat and she was scared of the beef
So I had to ***k Jessica Simpson
In the kitchen while she was fixin' some chicken

And her little sister Ashley
Was waitin' in the pantry
Spreadin' the *** cheeks
Yellin', 'Dirt Nasty
Tell my sis hurry up with the Teriyaki'

Then I did Demi in the pooper
With a semi, she thought I was Kutcher
Dude, I heard a rumor
Alyssa Milano is good for a nooner

And I ain't mad at Jennifer Aniston
Took it in the *** at the Hotel Radison
Her Dad thought it was the Pitt's
'Cause when he walked in
I was pinchin' her ***s

Now picture this
I got a photo, of Fred Durst's ****
It's about an inch
For real, I stole it from his *****

Some think that I'm phony homie
I play with my ***** like Adrian Brody
***k you, sue me
I'll be sniffin' roofies with George Clooney

L.A. is like Groundhog Day
Same old ****, never ***kin' rains
Droppin' Names, what a shame
Never thought I'd turn out this way

L.A. is like Groundhog Day
Same old ****, never ***kin' rains
Droppin' Names, what a shame
Never thought I'd turn out this way

I bursted the ****
Drew first blood on Kirsten Dunst
And what about the Olsen's?
At the Golden Globes
Holdin' my *******

Where the ***k Hillary Duff?
I'ma make her smoke dust and choke nuts
Yo, I'm not kiddin'
I'll Moulin Douche Nicole Kidman

Head spinnin' from the Vodka
Courtney Cox sucked my **** in a Mazda
Near Jamba Juice
In the parkin' lot, bombin' on Tom Cruise
His ****'s like a needle
Mine's ***anic, ask Leo

Or Vin Diesel
We were shootin' Speed in his agent's Regal
I'm harmin' my rectum
Pardon my French, Carmen Electra

And Haley Joel Osment
Is gonna be doin' coke before his balls be droppin'
My nards aren't clean
I've been partyin' with Charlie Sheen

Hey Angelina Jolie
Why don't you put them lips on my Roman Cannoli
Like Monica Bellucci
I heard the coochie, smells like Bleu Cheese

I'm ***** for beaver
Gimme a call, Sigourney Weaver

L.A. is like Groundhog Day
Same old ****, never ***kin' rains
Droppin' Names, what a shame
Never thought I'd turn out this way

L.A. is like Groundhog Day
Same old ****, never ***kin' rains
Droppin' Names, what a shame
Never thought I'd turn out this way