Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream. About me. About you. The way our American h
Feeling we get in the ****les of our hearts, maybe below the ****les, maybe in the sub-****le area
We don't know

I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job
I'm your average white suburbanite slob
I like football and ****o and books about war
I've got an average house with a nic hardwood floor
My wife and my job, my kids and my car
My feet on my table, and a cuban cigar

But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
(Oh no) No Way (Uh-uh)
No, I've gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's expense
(Oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane
While people behind me are going insane

I'm an ***hole (He's an ***hole, what an ***hole)
I'm an ***hole (He's an ***hole, such an ***hole)

I use public toilets and piss on the seat
I walk around in the summertime saying, 'How about this heat?'

I'm an ***hole (He's an ***hole, what an ***hole)
I'm an ***hole (He's the world's biggest ***hole)

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
While handicapped people make handicapped faces

I'm an ***hole (He's an ***hole, what an ***hole)
I'm an ***hole (He's a real ***king ***hole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong
Naaaah

I'm an ***hole (He's an ***hole, what an ***hole)
I'm an ***hole (He's the world's biggest ***hole)

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink wit
Baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one m
McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking dow
American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a G
We got the bombs, that's why

Two words. Nuclear ***king weapons, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the Democrac
Right through the middle of Tiananmen square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've go
Soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed of
Multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke
(Hey)
And Lee Marvin
(Hey)
And Sam Pekinpah
(Hey)
And a case of Whiskey and drive down to Texas
(Hey, you know you really are an ***hole)
Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song pal

I'm an ***hole (He's an ***hole, what an ***hole)
I'm an ***hole (He's the world's biggest ***hole)

A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E

Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf
Fung achng tum a fung tum a fling chum
Oooh Oooh

I'm an ***hole and proud of it