A mason jar full of shine, a CD of Leann Rhimes
Is what I bought for our anniversary tonight
Now here I stand with my petunias in hand
And you've got a headache again

I hit a yard sale, cut my toenails
Trimmed my nose hairs just right
I thought you'd be impressed by my new hunting vest
But there's no chance tonight

It ain't the first time this year, it'll be the TV and beer
I about forgot what's its like to be here
As I sleep on the floor while she sniffles and snores
Did I shave my back for this?

Oh man, aww woo
This things duller than a dag burn butter knife

Now I'll bet she'll regret the fact that she didn't let
Me take her to that motel with a pool
You know its so hard to find free HBO and Showtime
And them vibrating beds sure are cool

I souped up the RV, fired up my flobee
Trimmed my toupee just right
I tried self tanning cream, it turned my skin green
Uh, you know the directions, uh, said that it might

Well its a mystery to me, why she don't like Cledus T.
Most find me hard to resist, I'm wearing my brand new drawers
And wondering what the heck for did I shave my back for this?
Deanna, did I shave my back for this? Ohh ohh ohh