Come and listen to a jerk, talk about how hard he works
Come and be a flirt, I'm an expert, you can wipe off this smirk
Do you like rap 'cause it so happens, I'm so ballin'
What I mean is between you and me there's a gap, don't fall in

What a funny way to approach music, I must be stopped
You cut your eye on the top, I drop to the bottom of the pops
Harmony's French but the melancholy melody's so Slavic
Whether I rap fast or slow the rap flows polysyllabic

From the minute I'm awake it's a great day to get this cake
Polishing a mixtape, let me fixate on a flow in 6/8
I'm a lot of things but a left-wing singer-songwriter, I'm not
I'm a lot of things but a left-wing singer-songwriter, I'm not

Let's smoke all that yeah, we can hang around like a ballsack
Get higher than a top hat on top of a rather tall chap
I'm a cyborg version of George Gershwin I'm a Tin Pan fan
Famous in Paris, I'm embarrassed 'cause I can't cancan

No way, no how, I could never disappoint a crowd, my god
I just play what they want like a jukebox or an iPod
Write a song here, play a show there, want to tell my dad so there
Now that I got what I want I'll be honest I'm so scared

It's all downhill from this spot unless you never stop, you deserve
It's getting on my nerves, everywhere that I go music nerds
You're out of dumb questions
'Cause the song has 'em all answered
You're out of dumb questions
'Cause the song has 'em all answered

So come and listen to a schmuck talk about
A bunch of random stuff
And if you've had enough, if you've made it this far, call my bluff
I'm light-years ahead of all you entertainers sittin' right here
See I'm not what you think 'cause you drink
And your breath stinks like beer

Here's a little riddle, in the race to the middle who's mediocre?
I'm cult, if I wanted culture I would eat a yogurt
Let me show you how to beef
You can even chow down on the whole cow
Got a mouth hole so cold like a south pole on a lowbrow