You've heard of several kinds of cat
And my opinion now is that
You should need no interpreter
To understand our character

You've learned enough to take the view
That cats are very much like you
You've seen us both at work and games
And learnt about our proper names
Our habits and our habitat
But how would you ad-dress a cat

So first, your memory I'll jog
And say, 'A cat is not a dog'
So first, your memory I'll jog
And say, 'A cat is not a dog'

With cats, some say, 'One rule is true
Don't speak 'til you are spoken to'
Myself I do not hold with that
I say, 'You should ad-dress a cat
But always bear in mind that he resents familiarity'

You bow and taking off your hat
Ad-dress him in this form, 'O Cat'

Before a cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend
Some little token of esteem
Is needed like a dish of cream

And you might now and then supply
Some Caviar or Strauss burg pie
Some potted grouse or salmon paste
He's sure to have his personal taste
And so in time you reach your aim
And call him by his name

A cat's en***led to expect
These evidences of respect
So this is this and that is that
And there's how you ad-dress a cat

A cat's en***led to expect
These evidences of respect
So this is this and that is that
And there's how you ad-dress a cat