Now, Sheriff Fatman started out
In business, a granny farmer
He was infamous for fifteen minutes
And he appeared on Panorama

But then he somehow got himself on board
The Starship Enterprise Allowance Scheme
With a Prince of Wales award
For pushing Valium and amphetamines

Moving up onto second base
Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface
Six foot six and a hundred tons
The undisputed king of the slum

More aliases than Klaus Barbie
The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
Just about to take the stage
The one and only, hold the front page

Fatman's got something to sell
To the capitol's homeless
At the Crossroads Hotel
For the no-fixed-abodeless

Where you can live life in style
You can sleep in a closet
And if you flash him a smile
He'll take your teeth as deposit

There's bats in the belfry
The windows are jammed
The toilets ain't healthy
And he don't give a damn

He just chuckles and smiles
Laughs like a madman
Born again Rachman
Here comes Sheriff Fatman

With his Valium, amphetamines
His sick notes and his phony prescriptions
And just when you thought it was safe
To go back into kitchen

Dead legs and cracked heads
Bunk-beds and breakfasts
Hey, hey, hey, cherish one

Moving up onto second base
Behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface
Six foot six and a hundred tons
The undisputed king of slums

More aliases than Klaus Barbie
The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
Just about to take the stage
The one and only, hold the front page

Moving up now to take the place
Of Nicholas Van Wotsisface
Six foot six and a hundred tons
The undisputed king of the slums

With more aliases than Klaus Barbie
The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
In a hatchback from Notre Dame
The one and only Sheriff Fatman

In goes another left hook and now I'm losing my patience
Someone call up Roger Cook and the United Nations
He's buying up houses for the has beens and helping
From Lands End to South end to Chelsea

There's bats in the belfry
The windows are jammed
The toilets ain't healthy
He don't give a damn

He just chuckles and smiles
Laughs like a madman
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Sheriff Fatman
Sheriff Fatman, Sheriff Fatman, Sheriff Fatman, brainchumps