When I was young I found it grim
To gurgle in the social swim
The do's and dont's and loddy-da's
To me were just a lot of blah

I used my silver spoon at birth
For throwing meatballs at my nurse
I always chose to thumb my nose
At smarty clothes and party pose

I've ditched the rich and sable set
To join the kitchen table set
But much to my regret
I can't mingle with the social set

I used the wrong fork at the Stork in New York
My manners ain't fit for a goop
I'm just a square in the social circle
Who put that fly in my soup?

I'd rather go out with a lout to a bout
Than sleep in a symphony hall
I'm just a square in the social circle
Who knocked my gum off that wall?

When the utterly utter flows like butter
I want to start pitching a curve
With a silly old blighter on a first nighter
I feel like a pickled hors d'oeuvres, no verve

I never felt gay in a fancy beret
Or wear a babushka or burse
I'm just a square in the social circle
Finger bowls irk me the worst
They just don't quench my thirst

Mrs. Vanderpuss with greet me
With a fourteen karat shout
'My dear, you've simply got to come
To my daughter's coming out'

Her daughter is a Frankenstein
A dracula in mink
When she comes out each stag will shout
'Gadzooks, I need a drink'

I'd dined and clubbed
I've elbow rubbed from Yonkers to Cheyenne
'Foo' to you bud, take your blue blood
And stick it in your fountain pen

I wanna brush all the blush in the gush
I'd rather get left than be right
I'm just a square in the social circle
Anyone here wanna fight?

None of me fits with the wits at the Ritz
I'd rather relax on a stool
I'm just a square in the social circle
Anyone wanna shoot pool?

When a cookie with cabbage gets too savage
I'll wrestle him three out of four
I would rather a sailor hop in my trailer
And show me his nautical lore
Why sure

The ladies in frills only fill me with chills
They're soft as a ball of chenille
I'm just a square in the social circle
I've got a muscle of steel
Anyone here want to feel?

I'm as square as a pear in a boutonniere
Fancy silk won't stay on
I'm designed for rayon
But I just don't seem to care
I'm a square