Right now you are down and out
And feeling really crappy, I'll say
And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me happy, happy
Sorry Nicky human nature nothing I can do

It's schadenfreude
Making me feel glad that I'm not you

That's not very nice, Gary!
I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it
D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls
And drops a tray of gl***es yeah
And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their ***es? Sure
And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy
Watching people out in the rain, you bet

That's schadenfreude!
People taking pleasure in your pain

Oh, Schadenfreude, huh
What's that, some kinda Nazi word?
Yup! It's German for happiness at the misfortune of others
Happiness at the misfortune of others that is German
Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken
Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his **** in
Being on the elevator when somebody shouts 'Hold the door!'

No schadenfreude!
***k you lady, that's what stairs are for

Oh, how about, straight a students getting B's?
Exes getting STD's, waking doormen from their naps
Watching tourists reading maps, football players getting tackled
CEO's getting shackled, watching actors never reach
The ending of their Oscar speech

Schadenfreude
Schadenfreude
Schadenfreude
Schadenfreude

The world needs people like you and me
Who've been knocked around by fate
'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us
And that makes them feel great
Sure, we provide a vital service to society

You and me schadenfreude
Making the world a better place
Making the world a better place
Making the world a better place to be
S C H A D E N F R E U D E