I wish you could meet my girlfriend, my girlfriend who lives in Canada
She couldn't be sweeter
I wish you could meet her
My girlfriend who lives in Canada

Her name is Alberta
She lives in Vancouver
She cooks like my mother
And sucks like a Hoover

I e-mail her every single day
Just to make sure that every thing's okay
It's a pity she lives so far away
In Canada

Last week she was here, but she had the flu, too bad
'Cause I wanted to introduce her to you, it's so sad
There wasn't a thing that she could do
But stay in bed with her legs up over her head, oh

I wish you could meet my girlfriend
But you can't because she is in Canada
I love her, I miss her, I can't wait to kiss her
So soon I'll be off to Alberta, I mean Vancouver
****! Her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancouver

She's my girlfriend
My wonderful girlfriend
Yes, I have a girlfriend
Who lives in Canada

And I can't wait to eat her ***** again