Hello Muddah, hello Fadduh
Here I am at Camp Granada
Camp is very entertaining
And they say, we'll have some fun if it stops raining

I went hiking with Joe Spivey
He developed poison ivy
You remember Leonard Skinner
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner

All the counselors hate the waiters
And the lake has alligators
And the head coach wants no sissies
So he reads to us from something called Ulysses

Now I don't want this should scare ya
But my bunk mate has malaria
You remember Jeffrey Hardy
They're about to organize a searching party

Take me home, oh Muddah, Fadduh
Take me home, I hate Granada
Don't leave me out here in the forest, where
I might get eaten by a bear

Take me home, I promise, I will not make noise
Or mess the house with other boys
Oh, please don't make me stay
I've been here one whole day

Dearest Fadduh, darling Muddah
How's my precious little Bruddah?
Let me come home if you miss me
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me

Wait a minute, it stopped hailing
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing
Playing baseball, gee that's better
Muddah, Fadduh, kindly disregard this letter